The custody battle caught me off guard. I was nervous and anxious, but the truth was on my side. I fully expected God would honor that; but, when the gavel fell, truth lost. With temporary custody awarded to my ex-husband, I was devastated.
Five weeks into the nightmare, hope began to slip away. Days on the calendar ticked off like slow, beating drums of defeat. The beautiful little things which brought so much joy to my life (a bear hug from Ethan, morning coffee with Evan, a well-timed pun from Andy) were stolen from me. I tried to survive life moment by moment, but weariness took its toll.
God appeared silent.
Driving to work one morning, I decided a treat for my tastebuds might lift my spirits. I pulled into a drive-thru and eagerly ordered a peppermint mocha. Anticipation quickly turned to disappointment as my tastebuds rebelled against the watered down, awful tasting substance. Seriously? Of all the difficult things happening in my life, is a simple drink too much to ask for? Frustrated, I drove to work grumbling the entire way.
After work, I decided to give the coffee shop and peppermint mocha another chance. While waiting in the drive-thru, I had a revelation: I have trust issues. Misplaced trust issues. The coffee shop let me down just hours earlier; yet here I am again, hoping they get it right this time. But, when life served up circumstances which did not meet my expectations, I allowed doubt to dictate my interactions with God. I approached Him through the pain of those circumstances rather than entering through the truth of His character. I doubted His goodness.
Unlike the barista, God wasn’t asking for my coffee order. He was asking, “Do you trust Me?” To deal with my pain and sadness, I trusted in a fallible, human institution instead of a good, loving, and faithful Father. His Word confirms His character through countless promises and stories of the power of His extravagant love. Immediately, I repented of my misplaced trust and this promise came to mind, “O taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who trusts in Him” (Psalm 145:13b NIV).
Sweet and satisfying, or diluted and disappointing? We never know what a day may hand us, but each one is served up with the same question from our loving Father: “Do you trust Me?”
What is your answer?